If you think this gets old, you're wrong

Not funny "ha ha"; funny "I'll have another Jameson."

I find it funny that I am getting email solicitations from Citibank with offers of helping to "maintain a healthy credit score." Considering my lack of exposure to derivatives, I would say that my credit score is healthier than theirs right now.

Granted, my balance sheet is a lot less complicated.

Where in the world is Squatty San Diego?

Look, I know. I haven't posted a damn thing in ten days. I offer my heartfelt contrition to the hundreds of millions of people who check this site daily and look for inspiration. I have a bunch of excuses. None of them are any good, but they are totally true.

After the election, I got so caught up in how amazingly different everything will be now that we are going to have the other large, establishment party in office. It was so mind-blowing, that Mrs Squatty and I needed to experience it from the other coast: Vegas, Sacramento, San Fran, Napa, Seattle. Major left coast action.

We got to Seattle just in time for me to wonder what the point is of having Prop 8 protests in another state. Actually, I'm not really sure what the point is of having protests in California either. It's not like it was some law set up by the government. It was a proposition; the people themselves voted on it. Protesting the outcome of a referendum vote is like pissing in the sink because you're mad at the toilet: it won't fix anything, and none of it makes any damn sense.

So, anyway, I'm up $20 from Vegas, I got to see yet another state house (California's), and spent about 90% of my time in San Fran walking uphill both ways. We're leaving tomorrow and, to be honest, I'm not sick of living out of hotels. Living out of hotels is a perfect excuse to run up your credit card bill eating like a pig.

I mean, I'm traveling with my wife. What exactly am I supposed to miss about Baltimore? Ok, fine. I really miss the light rail. Happy?

I'll tell you what though. I'd better get back to the right coast. What major news is being swept under the rug right now without my watchful eye? Well, the CEO of Amtrak heave-hoed his own self.

Jim Lehrer is losing it

Seriously, I think Jim Lehrer is breaking apart. This is a very emotional time for him, apparently. Someone has to get him a drink.

Like a prayer

My mother's devout religiousness both makes her proud and humbles her all at the same time. She is a genuine servant of her faith who belies her age with how ardently she strives to become a better person.

Because her faith is such a source of comfort, she regularly incants God, the Angels, Archangels, and Saints, as if they were just wise members of an extended family. This causes her to speak in little prayers throughout the day; seeking counsel and strength in no special parlance.

Early this morning, we were driving through the neighborhoods of my hometown. (Mom—not so secretly—enjoys driving dangerously close to the banks of leaves piled on the side of the suburban backroads.) She leaned into the steering wheel and began wringing it as she does when her thoughts are occupied with anxiety. She looked up through the top of the windshield and, in a loud enough voice to get his attention, continued her conversation with God, saying:

"Ok, God... [sigh]... thank you very much for this day.... Please don't let me screw it up."

"Less is WEIGHT, fewer is NUMBER"

Is the AP saying that fewer homeowners took out equity loans, or homeowners took out less in equity loans? (I know; they're saying both. Whatever) Either way, how could someone at the AP have let this headline slip through?

In case you were hoping to become a little more confused about the Presidential Race

The Economist, one of the finest news weeklies in the land, figures America is standing at the craps table where the last three rolls have been 5, 6, and 8. We've got our last $50, and we're throwing them on the field and saying, "why not?"

C'mon boxcars....

Rattle and Hum

You know what chicks dig? New York Times columnists.

PUBLIC NOTICE: SOME OTHER JACK-ASS WITH A WEBSITE

WHEREAS a needling rapscallion has taken issue with a previous Squatcrouch.com post concerning possible improvements to our fine National Railway Passenger Corporation.

and WHEREAS this writer, who is known only as "McWop", is assigning himself the social rank of "Gentleman" while also admitting to posting "unedited" when everyone knows that those are mutually exclusive positions.

and WHEREAS McWop's "alcohol addled brain" is likely 90% the result of Appletini Night at a tony dance-club because he is surely a panty-waist.

and WHEREAS he interrupted my elderberry bath with a post that highlights hypertext in royal blue on a black background, rendering it nearly unreadable.

THEREFORE in pursuance of defending my good name (even though it's fake) I shall respond to McWop's retort in a later post... probably after my meeting.

SWEET! We get to blame a smart guy!

Oh man, now that Alan Greenspan has admitted his flaw, we can all rally 'round everyone who was calling for his head.

Wh--... wait. What do you mean that won't fix anything?

Well... shit.